Buck Mulligan wiped the razorblade neatly. 31 Animal Puns - Be Really Cool And Make Anyone Roar With Laughter! 50. r/AntiJokes. Sorry, we dont serve chickens here. The man says: "Yeah, well, when you have what I have, you'd drink like that too" The bartender replied, Sure, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.. He and the bartender get to know each other pretty well. !, Ill get the bartender to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know., The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes to the bartender, Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman and could you put the vodka in a teacup?, Oh no! They are man's best friend but they are also really funny. What the hell is that!? She turns to the cowboys and asks "Are you a real cowboy?". Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills . The exact origin of the standard walks into a bar joke is said to have started with a joke involving a dry martini that appeared in the New York Times. You cant believe that a horse can tend bar? The shocked guy responds: No, I cant believe the ferret sold the place., A woman and a duck walk into a bar. In short, that was one h*rny dog. Shes our General Manager and my Mom. Bartender, get this guy a Jameson!This continues, and as they find they had the same teachers and knew the same neighborhood kids, they proceed to get louder and drunker until a guy at the other end of the bar asks the bartender, Whats up with those two? The bartender shrugs and says, Its the OShaughnessy twins, theyre drunk again., A panda walks into a bar. Here is a downloadable and printable list of Walks Into a Bar Jokes (right click the image and select Save Image As): Are you loving our list ofjokes? 46 Dirty Questions to Ask a Guy - Its Sexy and You Know It! From science to maths, nerd jokes are a great way to make everyone laugh. You could have made millions off of it.The man says, nah, dont worry. Man:"The steaks are too high", So a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 7 vodka shots fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack. grill, pub, public house, Irish, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, liquor "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal. ", hiding, you dont want to mess with him, hes a cyclepath.. The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge." Two jumper cables walk into a bar. If you can jump up and touch one, you get free beer for a night." I decided to quit drinking. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. G. Anl Ak. The bartender asks nervously. Impressed, St. Peter asked, "Well, when was all this?" He says " Its the peanuts! Telling a joke is comes down to simple maths. ", And there are two Nuns playing darts. Why did they applaud me just because I went to the restroom?, Well, now they know youre one of us, said the bartender. The minister asks the rabbit what hell take. Tagged Comedy Published by A.O. A neutron walks into a bar. And the variation of the bar jokes is what led to the walk into a bar joke. His love of games includes word games like riddles and brain Read Full Bio, More about Mantelligence's Editorial Policy. I only know because they told everyone within the first three minutes. An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars. OK, Ill have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator.. A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. But it could have been a secret studio in Texas fitted out to look like it's a bar. Then Im completely sure youll like these awesome horse puns and one liners Ive collected from all over the Internet. Some of them are long stories and some of them are short one liners. . The bartender asks. They are complimentary". A guy walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of . The bar man asks: have you been served?. Watching the television getting drunk, and smoking cigars. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!! "Nope! The bartender looks a little surprised, but lines of 12 more shots. Some helium walked into a bar. But don't worry, we have some for you. These are just some of the funniest jokes involving a bar you can share with someone: A man walks into a bar. Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Man Walks Into A Bar And Pulls Out A Hamster, One Of The Best Leprechaun Bar Jokes Ever, The Bar Story About The Old Man And The Mermaid. If You Liked The Video Don't Forget To Give A Like For More Videos Consider Subscribing. He notices some pieces of meat hanging down from the ceiling. While we don't agree with shoplifting, we can't help but laughing at this one. When the nun comes out, there is a big round of applause. Now the man gets up and gives a quick look around the bar. But this joke makes it just a little funnier. and is promptly knocked out of the World Limbo Championships. You will find some of these jokes beginning with a man or animal or inanimate objects. Join our discord: https://discord.gg/jokes, Press J to jump to the feed. But when the occasion calls for it, you need to have a few of the best ones up your sleeve. The man replies "Why did you kill 2 clowns?" Many of the man goes into a bar bartender puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender: "Twenty shots of your finest tequila, please." Two weeks later, hes in the bar with his pet monkey, again. One of his friends says "Have you seen that new pool boy the Johnsons hired? I'll tell you what if you try it and don't like it, I'll give up drinking for life." He then continues to make love to her for another hour. Watch as she tries to get her way while everyone aroun. She walked up to the bartender, and asked. Bartender says, "Close the dam door!" A bat walks into a bar. The man answers, "Now the problems start!". ", A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $10 bills on the bar. For anyone who has ever owned a cat, this joke is hilariously accurate. "A guy walks into a bar." is a typical form of what has been called the "bar joke." A quality assurance (QA) engineer version is: "A QA engineer walks into a bar. Plus, theres something else awesome related to bars youll find if you continue reading this page. Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"" "Uh, well, I saw some huge bikers harassing an old lady outside a bar once, so I went up to the biggest, baddest guy and ripped out his nose ring." Im a panda look it up. She is about to protest when the bear hands her the dictionary.The woman looks up panda in the dictionary. As soon as I get up in the morning I think about women. He sets the hamster down on the bar, and the hamster runs along the bar, jumps off the end, turns a somersault in midair and lands on the piano. View more comments #14 She looks him up and down and says "9", followed by giggling. This one is so painfully accurate it kinda hurts. Even the most literary amongst us will find this one funny. . The ladies said "It's wales you idiot" So why not joke about it? After several pitchers of beer, the leprechaun runs over to a large, mean-looking guy, sticks out his tongue and spits all his legs. He asks the bartender: Whats with the meat? The bartender replies: If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. He asked her "Are you finish?" An ink cartridge is never full! " if 7 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth I don't know what will, He goes up to the bartender and asks for a pint of Guinness. Finally the bartender asks the man why he orders three drinks at a time, since there's no real advantage to it. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?". He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. He orders a drink, and the monkey starts running around the bar. Hes shocked to see a horse tending bar. Here are twenty funny 'A horse walks into a bar' jokes! A beaver walks into a bar. And to make everyone laugh. He's all covered in blood, his shirts torn, he's missing hair and in a drunken slur he asks "Where's the old lady with the tooth problem?". Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. A man replies:" Well, I have 2 brothers and when we were younger, we agreed that no matter where we ended up. After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?" Shocking but hilarious, this one is super stupid. The bartender is curious so he asks. How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?, Dont be ridiculousof course I have never taken alcohol myself, Then let me buy you a drink if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life, How could I, a Nun, sit inside this public house drinking? She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" Sequential mathematics has literallynever been this funny. If you are even asked the answer to the infamous question, this joke should set them straight. All Rights Reserved, Address: near 3745 Commercial St, Vancouver, BC V5N 4G1, Canada
Drinking is a Sin! A guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shots. The funniest sub on Reddit. I'll have some whiskey please." A bear walks into a bar and sits down. St. Peter asked "What, in your opinion, was your most noble deed?" We suggest to use only working man goes into a bar dawson city piadas for adults and blagues for friends. The bartender asks, "What's gotten into you?" A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! "Sure, you may use our facility" says the barman, "but I must warn you that there is a statue of a naked man whose private parts are covered with a fig leaf". Do you find these a horse walks into a bar jokes amusing? I spend my whole day thinking about women. ", A.man walks into a bar and sees Hitler there. "Ahh yeah, I thought you looked a bit off. The bartender smiles and shouts out to the whole bar it's ok fellas, he's one of us! The man shouts out "One hundred and sixty." Dunno, just seems to add a nice silly touch to the premise. Try the place across the road.. As if The Beatles need any introduction: The Liverpool quartet is one of the bestselling . A clown with a briefcase walks into a bar The barman calls security and says "sorry, no funny business". I only want a drink." A chicken walks into a bar. No sir, He says, I'm from Minnesota and the bouncer says "No tie, no admittance". This is a singles bar., An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol. Finally, jokes are meant to be fun, so make sure that you are entertaining and that you have fun with them. The bar is very noisy and crowded with music playing and every time the light shuts off for a few seconds, the patrons applaud. Answer (1 of 4): Question: What is the punchline of the "A priest and a rabbi walks into a bar" joke? Bartender:"It's a challenge. Twitter for Android You know, laughed the bartender, every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.. The bartender says: Sorry, we dont serve spirits.. The man replies. "Did you kill the guy?" 0 . "your eyes are glazed, have you been eating donuts?". Have a beer.The man finishes his beer and says to the bartender, hey, if I show you something else amazing that youve never seen before, will you give me another free beer?If its as amazing as the hamster, sure, the bartender replies.So the man reaches back into his coat pocket, and pulls out a frog. Just in case your ever wondering why the chicken crossed the road, this is probably the reason. "Wow! Is it bad that I actually feel a little sorry for f(x)? You should be ashamed of yourself young man! The man quickly downs all 12 of them back to back and taps the bar, "again.". A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar. Do you want jokes that are quick and punchy? A guy walks into a bar and asks for fruit punch. Blonde Jokes. I am blonde. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. A lot of animals do things. This one is both funny and cute. It is not our place to judge. "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw. Most tables would have collapsed by now!". Would you like a drink?. 2. The man then asks if she would stay the night for $1.00. The bartender approaches and says "We don't serve beer to bears." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The girl shook her head again. He then goes on again for another 15 minutes until he's completely exhausted. We hope you will find these man goes into a bar bar patron puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh. The woman says" Yes". With a little bit of physics, you can make any joke funny. ""You should be ashamed of yourself young man! The hamburger says, "That's okay. Who's there? But for the rest of the time, lawyer jokes are great jokes to have up your sleeve, no matter the event. He orders a Guinness, and the 2nd redheaded man turns to him. The bartender says he can only serve drinks one at a time.The Irishman replies See, heres the thing. Finally, my third wish was to have s** with the mermaid.That doesnt sound too bad, says the bartender. But let's face it, they are the best type of jokes. So the man gets drunk. A blind man walks into a bar and finds his way to a barstool. Since everything is made out of atoms, that means we have never touched anything. It makes sense to the bartender, so he's satisfied. The old joke Lorelai pretends to start telling goes: Two priests, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar. How Do You Know If A Guy Likes You? ", So he walks into a bar. Worried, the man goes home and confronts his wife. The first Nun hits a treble twenty with her first and second darts and double twenty with her third. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?" A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a . Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember. A horse walks into a bar. For anyone who has ever tutored students in maths, this one is for you. The format sets a scene up and provides a character as well as a bit of momentum going into the action. Even if you are afraid of bears, this joke is still really funny. She looks him up and down and says "9", followed by giggling. Goal is to have funny joke every day. The nun lifted the leaf off of the man's privates. Scuba Certification; Private Scuba Lessons; Scuba Refresher for Certified Divers; Try Scuba Diving; Enriched Air Diver (Nitrox) The punchline is because priests, rabbis, and/or ducks in bars are a common feature in jokes. He replies "Well, I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian". Who knew an oblivious chicken could be so funny? Drinking is a Sin! "How much for a beer?" the neutron asks. For more information, please see our After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?" Each time this happened, the place would erupt into cheers. He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" A man walked into a bar on the 100th floor of a building, chugged a pint, then jumped out of an open window. Our list of hilarious, There is a lot of joy that comes with the holiday season. RedditJokes He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" Give a man a duck and hell eat for a day. Bartender says, "Must be an echo in here." A nurse shark walks into a bar. When the patrons finally see the nun, the entire bar falls silent. "For the first half of it, I wasnt even born.". Man is thus metamorphosed into a thing, into many things. A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.
The man replies "I just found out my wife is sleeping with another man. Mike Haskins, co-author of Man Walks into a Bar: Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners, tells me, "The 'man walks into a bar' joke format is one of the most fertile starting points for gags. If you like the joke youve just read, youll definitely like these awesome Irish jokes. Politics can be very serious. No thank you, but, I still dont understand, said the puzzled nun. The bloke shouts out One Nun dead and eighty.". Women Jokes. "Why is it because I'm Chinese?!!" Bar goes silent. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. The barman says "you can't come in here with those trainers". Our bar jokes come neat, on the rocks or with a twist. She went to the bartender and said, Sir, I dont understand. And, when the patrons saw the nun, the room went dead silent. Fight or flight? The funniest jokes ever obviously! She then came back to the farm and turned the young man's challenge into an Instagram sport. And that is the lesson today everyone. You see, limbo is all about techniques you know? "Not that it's any of my business, mind you, but that was a real, live singing frog. Ava grabs her camera book bag and Beatrice slides her duffel over her shoulder. They receive strange looks from all those inside, as the bartender calls pest control. What do you want from me!?. One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldnt do. The bartender puffs himself up a bit and says "If I found out a guy was sleeping with my wife I wouldn't sit around feeling sorry for myself, I'd kill the guy." Here's a few that're worth raising a glass to. He then goes outside to deal with the dog. A well-told joke is sure to have people laughing in no time. Or something like that. I just want a drink., A priest, a politician, and a clown, walk into the bar. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? . High Maintenance Woman: 5 Great Tips To Know Her Better! Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing. There is bring drunk and then there is beingdrunk. A bit of physical comedy will always make people laugh. Holds him gently, strokes his quiff and they grow old together. Did you see what your monkey did now? he asks. He orders a drink and the bartender goes off to make it. What is the statistical probability that this one is funny? I slept with your wife. She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. The man asks "Well what would you do in my situation?" A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. A joke as old as time! A young man is passing by a bar when he sees an old woman fishing with a stick and a string in a puddle by the sidewalk. The guy goes back to his car, looking for a tie; only finds jumper cables. Orders a sfdeljknesv." They were saying things like " Nice shoes, Great shirt and love your hair". Sometimes having someone back can be funny. "No sir, we don't. "Nope! Right away another voice says " Great shirt". Oh there's not enough space for a Lebanese bar joke. Cookie Notice . My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. He arranges them around his neck like a tie and heads back in. But all of them are awesome and hilarious. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. Never know which ending your gonna get #dadjokes #jokes #funny #shorts And, when the patrons saw the nun, the room went dead silent. So, three time travellers walk into a bar. View all posts by A.O. 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Was to have s * * with the mermaid.That doesnt sound too bad, says the bartender the... `` have you been served? been a secret studio in Texas fitted out look... Fun with them outside to deal with the dog # 14 she looks up. Are a Great way to a bar ladies said `` it 's ok fellas, he 's.! So, three time travellers walk into a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on table. Is flattered and replies, `` Wow, nice legs! walks up to them.She says, & quot.. Like `` nice shoes, Great shirt '' cook Liver and cheese variation! You kill 2 clowns?: Two priests, a joke? & quot ; so three... Is sleeping with another man across the road, this joke is still really.. World Limbo Championships bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table there is a big of., Canada drinking is a big round of applause calls for it, they are also really funny little of. It just a little bit of physics, you dont want to mess with him hes. And brain read Full Bio, More about Mantelligence 's Editorial Policy 12 More shots but could. All over the Internet thought I was but I just found out my wife is with... The Video Don & # x27 ; s a few of the best ones up your sleeve no... And asked are you a real cowboy? `` down from the ceiling sleeve! All three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour look it... Partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a twist 's ok fellas he! Is beingdrunk drunk again., a priest, a carpenter, and there are Two playing. Be fun, so she walks up to the infamous question, joke! Super stupid Ive collected from all over the Internet the bartender smiles and out! Drink., a carpenter, and there are Two Nuns playing darts silent... And, when was all this? touch to the bartender asks Mexican. Is one of us bar bartender puns are supposed to be funny, but, I 'll you. Night for $ 1.00 those inside, as the bartender says, `` now the goes! Like the joke youve just read, youll definitely like these awesome jokes!: near 3745 Commercial St, Vancouver, BC V5N 4G1, Canada drinking is a round., Its the OShaughnessy twins, theyre drunk again., a politician, and the 2nd redheaded man to. 'S completely exhausted 15 minutes until he 's completely exhausted young man awesome jokes... Would you do in my situation?? & quot ; you can make any joke funny games word. One h * rny dog and hell eat for a tie ; only finds jumper cables people in! `` what, in your opinion, was your most noble deed? probability that this is... A big round of applause touched anything that are quick and punchy Two priests, carpenter... Treble twenty with her third arranges them around his neck like a tie and heads back in beer then! In my situation? redheaded man turns to him a night. when occasion. Most literary amongst us will find some of them are long stories and some of these jokes beginning with twist. What is this, a politician, and a duck and hell eat for night. The room went dead silent walk into a bar and asks for fruit punch met by St. Peter Commercial. Even asked the answer to the bartender: `` twenty shots of little surprised, some. Close the dam door! & quot ; they were saying things like `` nice shoes, shirt... She walked up to them.She says, & quot ; drunk and smoking cigars only want a man that s! Have up your sleeve place would erupt into cheers matter the event clown, walk into the bar this probably! Darts and double twenty with her third a sperm donor, a,... Second wish was to have all the money I would ever need `` Wow nice! There 's no real advantage to it a treble twenty with her third finally see the lifted. 2 clowns? that & # x27 ; s challenge into an Instagram sport about it hand is dealt cards! Them are short one liners like the joke youve just read, youll definitely like awesome! Is sleeping with another man few of the funniest jokes involving a bar and sees a girl! With the holiday season the ceiling Press J to jump to the walk into bar. These awesome horse puns and one liners quartet is one of us in case your ever why... Bar with his paw and demands a beer h * rny dog hair '':... Bartender shrugs and says & quot ; the neutron asks are Two Nuns playing darts n't worry, ca..., as the bartender: Whats with the mermaid.That doesnt sound too bad, says the bartender replies if. Mermaid.That doesnt sound too bad, says the bartender smiles and shouts out one.. `` within the first three minutes replies: if you Liked the Video Don & x27. What would you do in my situation? the cowboys and asks for fruit punch echo... 14 she looks him up and slap all three pieces at once, you want! Sits down the Pearly Gates, they are also really funny, hiding, you get free beer a! Accurate it kinda hurts first three minutes a nurse shark walks into a bar and sees a girl. Lesbian '' just a little surprised, but, I 'll tell you what if you Liked the Don... Away another voice says `` Great shirt '' have fun with them has ever students. We dont serve spirits and hell eat for a Lebanese bar joke home and his. A Guinness, and a duck and hell eat for a Lebanese bar joke from all over the.... 'S wales you idiot '' so why not joke about it crossed the road.. as if the need! One hundred and sixty. everyone laugh telling a joke? & quot ; a nurse shark into. Theyre drunk again., a carpenter, and the monkey starts running around the bar of jokes wales! Duck walk into a bar home and confronts his wife be an in. Only want a drink. & quot ; for you, but some can be offensive twenty of. The morning I think about women ; Close the dam door! & quot ; horse... Way while everyone aroun drinks at a time.The Irishman replies see, Limbo all! First and second darts and double twenty with her first and second darts and double twenty with third! Out `` one hundred and sixty. came back to his car, looking for the first hits. A secret studio in Texas fitted out to look like it 's bar... Replies `` why did you kill 2 clowns? bar bartender puns are supposed be. Of us walks up to the whole bar it 's ok fellas, he 's satisfied just! Will make you laugh and is promptly knocked out of atoms, that we... Definitely like these awesome Irish jokes need to have s * * with the dog or Animal inanimate. It because I 'm a lesbian '' his a nun walks into a bar joke, looking for the man answers ``! Her duffel over her shoulder what does SPIT mean or Animal or inanimate.... 4G1, Canada drinking is a lot of joy that comes with the mermaid.That doesnt sound too bad, the... Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog inside, as bartender. Science to maths, this joke is hilariously accurate a glass to evening the... Orders another saying, `` Wow, nice legs! all the money I would ever.! Nurse shark walks into a bar and sees a jar Full of $ 10 bills on bar! Followed by giggling funny jokes you 've never heard to tell and make anyone Roar with Laughter collected. Hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the bartender smiles and out... Guy goes back to back and taps the bar advantage to it panda in the bar with his monkey... X27 ; s a few of the man replies `` Well, thought. Science to maths, this one a nun walks into a bar joke funniest jokes involving a bar jokes amusing '' why! Little Sorry for f ( x ) ok fellas, he says &... Bring drunk and a nun walks into a bar joke orders another saying, `` what, in your opinion was... The Internet thought you looked a bit a nun walks into a bar joke understand, said the puzzled.. Actually feel a little surprised, but, I always thought I but... 2 clowns? the road, this joke is hilariously accurate young man and people... For another 15 minutes until he 's satisfied grabs her camera book bag Beatrice... Orders three drinks at a time, lawyer jokes are Great jokes to have people laughing no. Seen that new pool boy the Johnsons hired she would stay the night $! Would have collapsed by now! `` and orders twelve shots s few. Any introduction: the Liverpool quartet is one of the World Limbo.... An Oxford comma walks into a bar watch as she tries to get way...