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Dying to Live Beyond Regret and Cancer
- Beth Cramer
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Welcome to “Healing From Within” with your host Sheryl Glick Reiki Master Energy Teacher medium and author of her newest book in a trilogy A New Life Awaits Spirit Guided Insights to Support Global Awakening which shares stories and messages from Spirit that show us our challenges are not economical political or societal just a spiritual disconnect from our true being or soul wisdom. Sheryl is delighted to welcome Beth Cramer author of Why Didn’t I Notice He rBefore who shares how the journey towards purpose and happiness could be found through the lessons learned after an abortion and a cancer diagnosis.
Beth as listeners of “Healing From Within” are so well aware Sheryl and her amazing guests share intimate and inspiring experiences that prove to us that we are spiritual beings having a physical life for the purpose of allowing in the course of spiritual maturation and through facing the challenges of a physical life journey awakening to our true sense of Being and to ultimately know ourselves as eternal souls capable of great love compassion and service to others. The duality of life spiritual and physical can be both a curse and a miracle.
In today’s episode of ‘Healing From Within” Beth Cramer will share how a difficult diagnosis of stage 4 ovarian cancer shook her free from the prison of obsession and depression and made her view herself and life in a totally new way. Beth shares a story of soul awakening through the challenges of dealing with that cancer diagnosis and the loss of several dear friends from cancer at the same time, but then Sheryl believes often the soul creates such challenges as a means to awaken us to new ways to view Self and life in a whole new healing fashion. Adversity can be a means to find peace and Self- Love.
In the Preface to the book we learn about a book Beth is working on about Lili a visual artist going through emotional hardships, a divorce, the loss of a dog, parenting a strong- willed child, and financial problems and realizes in analyzing her drawings it would be hard to deny the brain tumor and her ultimate death were reflected in her work. Many people think the subconscious mind might know before illness is discovered.
Sheryl says that she interviewed Kathleen O’Keefe Kanavos Author of Dreams That Can Save Your Life co-authored with Dr. Larry Burke and to hear how Kathleen dreamed of her breast cancer and went on to insist the doctors continue to do the tests needed to locate the cancer even when they were unable to find it by ordinary testing it ultimately saved her life. Go to Shery’s website www.sherylglick.com June 2019 to hear this episode.
Beth tells us of a psychic she visited that her sister Mauri who swore by this woman’s powers encouraged her to go to when she was in college . Beth tells us the reading was done over the phone. The psychic medium could not see her nor did she have any information about Beth prior to the call. Prepared to spend a hundred dollars on what Beth to be folly was unusual for Beth. While Beth didn’t ask any questions about a future family after she married, the psychic said, “Having children will be a bit of a science experiment.” This was before reproductive medicine was common and motherhood at that time was just an abstraction in Beth’s mind. After 45 minutes she went silent. We were not disconnected and I could hear her breathe. When she spoke again her voice had a hard edge. She informed me that since I’d agreed at the start of the session not to be told any foreboding information about my future she could not go on. In 1999 had I heard what inauspicious future awaited me, it would have sounded absurd, just as her vision of my experimental pregnancies did. But in 2003 one of her predictions came true in a big way. I reproduced in a lab. Scientists monitored my ovarian reserve, follicular dynamics and biomarkers. Science hormonally altered my body to produce an egg. Did the psychic also know I would get cancer eighteen years later in September of 2017? Sheryl says as an intuitive healer and medium who does readings for clients she basically does not pick up negative information only information to help the client further know their own spiritual gifts and find positive ways to live with all challenges making the best choices and finding out more about their own life path.
Beth goes on to tell us of your life with her husband Todd and their son Noah and then something of an abortion she chose because her husband really didn’t want a second child. Abortion is such a charged subject in the public arena now as it has been for many years and Beth goes on to discuss how it affected her personally.
Beth goes on to tell us how she is sick—I’m sick –I’m sick with regret.” She begins a pilgrimage to find healing and an obsession to astrologers, psychics energy healers a divine mother, naturopaths, dream therapists, vibrational healers, acupuncturists and specialists working in areas she had never heard of before to deal with the
abortion and her husband having a vasectomy. Beth was still intent on having a second child and began researching reproductive technology. The endocrinologist at Cornell told Beth she had diminished ovarian reserve which meant poor quality eggs….unlikely to conceive. I would need an egg donor to have another child. I also feared another child could jeopardize the family I had. Todd was opposed to another child and Noah liked being the only child. Though Beth’s therapist told her this obsession was a violent action towards myself she could not stop. It was an arduous process finding an egg donor and following the strict schedule necessary to create a child.
Beth tells us the challenges about the process to find an egg donor and follow a prep cycle to make sure her ovarian lining responded to medication and so the donor and Beth could synchronize cycles. Following a match Beth needed to do what is called a prep cycle. The prep cycle should last twenty one days. It took Beth one hundred and eighty -nine. Nine prep cycles and not because she was not responding to the medication. Every morning she would question her motives and her commitment to this dream of having a second child and the toll it was taking on her relationship with Todd. Each cycle required injections of intramuscular shots of Lupron FSH HCG and hormones galore. Beth prepared the needles and shot up on her own without help. Her therapist pointed out that she was basically like a person who was a cutter inflicting self harm on herself.
Beth goes on to tell us about the diagnosis and about what she has learned about Ovarian Cancer. Most people know Ovarian cancer is rare. It is called the silent killer. Most people such as myself have no warning signs. What is most surprising is it is never found at an earlier stage and once found it has already spread to other organs and is difficult to treat. It often happens sporadically in people with no family history of the condition. According to the American Cancer society there are no reliable screening tests for ovarian cancer. While some women diagnosed with ovarian cancer have elevated leves of the CA 125 protein the associated blood test is not accurate enough for ovarian cancer screening as many non cancerous conditions can also increase the CA 125 level. What are the symptoms of ovarian cancer anyway? Beth tells us that constipation, unusual abdominal pain abdominal pressure or bloating, feeling extrememly full after meals weight gain or weight loss back pain and fatigue but those are the symptoms of simply being a woman.
Meanwhile Beth added up the signs leading to the reality of her getting cancer. One she was writing a book about a woman with cancer. Her attention and focus were constantly on this topic and as we know often what we focus on comes into our reality. Two, Beth’s cancer is not genetic, but grew from her ovaries—the organ of her obsession starting with the abortion and leading to assisted reproductive technology. Three, Tom the exchange boy from Europe entered our home at the exact time my son Noah could use a companion and his presence added life and joy to our house helping Beth deal with the reality of her possible need to be somewhere for treatment. It was as if an angel were sent to help distract Noah from his mother’s serious health challenge. Beth is fortunate to have three sisters and her Mom and Dad who are an excellent support team. As we will see in Beth’s story sometimes we are not able to shed our demons until we receive a death sentence.
When Beth first admitted her theory that her obsession and anxiety over the abortion years before targeted her ovaries and triggered cancer, a chorus rings out, “You are not that powerful” Oh, come on, the coincidence between my mental illness starting from her ovaries and cancer starting from her ovaries it doesn’t seem the least bit ironic to Beth’s doctor. Dr. Kahn said flatly, “This is not your fault. You cannot give yourself cancer.” However, our thoughts and actions are extremely powerful and the Universe often gives us what we most fear, as well as what we most desire. It doesn’t judge it often just delivers. Beth feels cancer is going to help her overcome her feelings of loss, but she might not be alive to enjoy her liberation.
Beth tells us something of a book she read by Bernie S Siegal M.D. called Love Medicine and Miracles that helped show healing of mind body and spirit are more than just curing a disease.
The title insinuates that recovery depends on the willingness to believe our minds can influence the outcome. If we can influence our recovery, then we can influence the development of disease. Beth feels the connection between her debilitating regret over the abortion she had seven years prior to her cancer diagnosis and the targeted area of her disease (the ovaries) is pretty ironic. Dr. Siegal supports the belief that the body is capable of synchronizing with our subconscious or eternal soul energy which may create a disease or other challenge to help us evolve and expand our consciousness.
Dr. Siegal writes in his book, “Many documented casualties show that psychological influences play a large part in determining who will develop illness. It often determines what disease will occur and when and where it will appear,” writes Siegal.
Sheryl says that as she read Beth’s story she felt that Beth begins to realize that perhaps the cancer that had developed is a part of her inner being or soul journey and in Sheryl’s new book A New Life Awaits Sheryl describes her sister Rodelle’s pancreatic cancer experience among other realizations Sheryl made as a result of eight years of hospice volunteer work and Sheryl wrote, “In recent days, I have seen so many people in their hearts and minds being adversely affected by cancer. It seems we have reached epidemic proportions alongside other seriously challenging ailments attributed to an aging population and the stresses of modern-day life. Many have forgotten what our religious institutions have always held dear, the fact that the soul is an energy force of eternal magnitude and that a new life awaits us beyond illness, beyond fear, beyond sorrow or pain. But the focus while living must be to live with joy, hope, and a full appreciation for the beauty and value of life. Sometimes a disease or tragedy or changes in the world condition may help us reconnect to our eternal truths and further our soul as well as our physical life growth.”
Sheryl believes cancer as well as other challenges our soul might choose to explore in this physical life time is not random and can with the right thinking and attitude offer opportunities to expand our soul energy and bring forth greater compassion and love into the world.
By the way Beth Sheryl tells Beth she often has sensitive or amazing coincidences with her guests as indeed we are all connected by our energetic imprints and at the beginning of Beth’s book she mentions and writes the word to the song A Thousand Years by Christina Perri which Beth said summed up everything she felt relating to the feelings of eternal love she had for the soul of the baby she had aborted. Sheryl says that when her twin granddaughter began to take singing lessons at the age of 7 and sang that very beautiful song at her first recital Sheryl cried the way she had cried on the day she first saw her in the hospital: so fragile after a difficult delivery. It was as if my soul and hers met on a level or world of love beyond this physical place and it has never changed. There are connections we can never fully understand with our rational ego- based mind or cold cognition but we can feel in our subconscious soul memory of eternal life.
The song goes like this…I have died every day waiting for you
Darling don’t be afraid
I have loved you For a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more.
Time stands still.
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What’s standing in front of me
Every breath Every hour has come to this
One step closer
Beth tells us her real challenge was mental illness, not cancer. Depression had come and gone her whole life
Beth writes, “Depression can’t be trusted. You might be blindsided by a depressive episode that could put you in your therapists office a couple of times a week which for Beth was a useless exercise because her depression wasn’t controlled by talk therapy but by medication. Some of history’s most talented writers have described the experience. J.K. Rowling once said in an interview with the UK Times, Depression is the most unpleasant thing I have experienced…It is the absence of being able to envisage that you ever be cheerful again. The absence of hope. That very deadened feeling which is so different from feeling sad. Sad hurts but it’s a healthy feeling. It is a necessary thing to feel. Depression is very different.”
Beth goes on to say that her calm, breezy attitude toward cancer isn’t because she didn’t consider it serious or that she wanted to die, but because it was such a relief from obsessing over future decisions. It’s an imperfect world and if it were a game of would you rather have depression or cancer for Beth cancer would have won.
Beth sees cancer as a cousin of mental illness and reminds herself that since she believes her emotional state manifested the cancer her emotional state can eliminate it. Of course miracles of our state of Being and thinking can do just that.
Beth tells us how she feels Noah her son and Todd her husband have handled her cancer diagnosis and treatment and how they have helped her.
Beth tells us of how Noah entered Middle School at the time when he found out his mother had cancer and the first thing he did was seek out the school guidance counselor to tell her his mother had cancer. Noah had never met this woman before so it was a courageous and intelligent thing to do and then he cried and showed him on the computer his mother’s website and all the videos she had filmed. He was so proud of his mother. Beth could see that Noah was resourceful, unafraid to show his vulnerability and has great instincts. Beth’s belief that Noah needed a school to nourish his soul rather than feed him Common Core standards so they put him back in the Waldorf educational system which was encouraged by Beth’s mother even though she in the past she had little confidence in what she believed to be strange and unconventional ways of that progressive system.
In the Chapter “Last One Standing” Beth speaks of four women in her small college town: a visual artist, a life coach, a yoga instructor and a healer. It didn’t matter to cancer that they were health conscious conservationists, mothers and under fifty five. But Beth came to rely on these women are role models years before they were diagnosed. Beth tells us of Lili, Elizabeth Erica and Angela.
Lili led her life chasing adventures and radiated determination and confidence. She was an accomplished photographer and made many films. It was not until her late forties that she had her two children and went back to college to earn an MFA in printmaking. Lili adopted two children whose mothers were drug addicts. Lili passed from brain cancer in December of 2015
Elizabeth had adopted four children: two from Guatemala and two from Rwanda. Elizabet was the self proclaimed adoption goddess and had a business guiding clients through the adoption process. When Elizabeth asked me to drive her to chemotherapy though since childhood I couldn’t stand the smell of illness I didn’t think twice. A year later Elizabeth went into remission and jumped into a new venue Life coaching. However the chemo had induced leukemia and she died soon after.
Erica was mythical a social star in the Hudson valley and busy befriendling everyone. Erica was a skilled spiritual healer offering private holistic pregnancy and general healing sessions to help mothers connect more deeply with their babies. Though Erica didn’t want me as a client she wanted me to forgive myself for the abortion and be grateful that I did not have the baby. Clearly she said It was not meant to be or it would have happened. There are no accidents. Erica lived with cancer for four years. Beth proceeded to do a video on Erica and her positive thoughts and way of dealing with cancer.
Angela died two days before Erica. She had moved back to England. Angela took being health conscious very seriously. She was vegan taught yoga every day and was close to fulfilling her master’s degree in nutrition Her beautiful son went on to the Mountain Laurel Waldorf School with my son Noah Lili’s daughter and Elizabeth’s four kids.
Beth would like readers of Why Didn’t I Notice Her Before? to perhaps take away with them after reading your book the song which touched Beth and Sheryl’s heart A Thousand Years which is the message that to know love and life are eternal and to learn that the challenges we encounter in our everyday physical life are the pathway to greater truth and wisdom of the soul. Learning to live each moment without the sadness or regret of the past, nor fear of the future, allows us to hear the whispers of souls angels higher Universal Source as they guide us through life and ultimately welcome us once again to where we began or perhaps never left.
We thank Beth Cramer author of Why Didn’t I know Her Before? for sharing the story of her journey beyond abortion scientific exploration of ways of having a second child, depression, and a cancer diagnosis to share the miracle of faith and trust in a higher plan that has evolved beyond this challenging set of circumstances.
In summarizing today’s episode of “Healing From Within” we have explored the concepts of obsession depression illness and often our own worst enemy which is self- doubt and the fear of not completing one’s life mission whatever that is conceived to be. Sheryl remembers her father telling her long ago that she was her own worse enemy for Sheryl thought she could help everyone and with her love for people help them change whatever issues disturbed their well being. When she discovered it was not in her hands or in her power to control life, but only to let it unfold naturally, that sense of responsibility for her to help everyone, became less of a burden and Sheryl thinks that Beth and many of her sensitive family and friends who love life so much, eventually discovers that awareness, as well as the truth of our eternal soul life making it more valuable to enjoy the moment, and find peace happiness and an acceptance of life no matter what.
Beth and I would have you welcome the hope that when we venture beyond the physical life, the love of those we have known here will be waiting for us to reunite with them and joyfully express our gratitude for all our experiences together.
I am Sheryl Glick host of Healing From Within and I invite you to visit my website www.sherylglick.com to read about and listen to leaders in the fields of metaphysics spirituality science medicine psychology and the arts and music share their intimate views on life death and the sounds of healing. Shows may also be heard on www.webtakradio.net and www.dreamvisions7radio.com
