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What Modern Men Need for Success Purpose and Wellbeing
- Arjuna Ardagh & John Gray
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In today’s episode of Healing From Within, your host Sheryl Glick author of The Living Spirit: Answers for Healing and Infinite Love which shares stories of spiritual awakenings spiritual communication healing energies and higher consciousness: to know yourself and life in its miraculous and ever changing ways, welcomes a former guest of the show, Arjuna Ardagh co-author along with John Gray a leading relationship expert and author of Men are From Mars Women are From Venus with their co-authored book Conscious Men which guides a man to look within and discover his purpose and mission; to be in touch with his feelings, but not ruled by his feelings and to follow his own path and destiny.
Arjuna said “We wrote this book together through hours of dialogue at John’s home in Mill Valley . Some days we would be up with the sunrise go for a walk with John’s dog and be energized for the entire day…At the same time we were creating a book that we hope will serve many people.. that is Conscious Dharma at work: doing what you love out of a sense of mission.. Initially rediscovering your sense of purpose or “Conscious Dharma” may be a challenging process: we may be overwhelmed panicked and need to take small steps. We also face the forces that still have some control over how we are living our lives.”
In order to discover one’s Conscious Dharma, you have to first become aware of the Unconscious forces that influence your persona…What did your father and mother expect of you?…Where did you feel obligated by your education?…What do your friends think is cool for you to do? When you become thoughtful and mindful which is the key to everything these automatic habits and parts of you that are distractions to living your best life dissolve on their own… examples are: Conformist Colin ( Do what others expect of You) Greedy George Discover the empty goal of just pursuing money. Instant Gratification Ian…(Too much emphasis on what feels good in a fleeting way) Distracted Dominic Watching TV the internet and media…Need to find Periods of Silence to see what is going on Inside you) Fearful Frank (Survival Needs Take Precedent over What you really love to do)…Once you fall into this sense of the Right Thing to Do You find your Conscious Dharma and it is effortless and natural..
There are differences in the physical and emotional needs of males and females that should be acknowledged and each should be recognized for their strengths and find what suits their needs best.A major difference between a man and woman is that a man’s sense of wellbeing and identity are tied to his sense of mission and purpose, and men will take it more personally.. so if you tell him you are impressed with what he has accomplished like the way he has rebuilt his computer he will feel that you get him. Some women may also have their needs tied to mission and purpose especially if they have more male energy or were raised in a family with brothers. It is all a very individual matter.
In the past societies survived based on their ability to have their sons be unconscious of their own needs. To survive we needed boys and men who did not question dying for their country, tribe or kinship network. They had to buy into the belief that it would make them a hero give them glory and make them loved and respected even though they might end up dead….In the Industrialization process that trains men to focus on the ingredients of survival—earning money and becoming a killer protector it also sets up the environment for becoming conscious. So Success for the Unconscious Man is the Opposite of Success for the Conscious Man
Ex. As per Warren Farrell… Success as an attorney means learning to argue…being a conscious husband or dad means listening to the sky. Being a great warrior means developing a killer reflex being a conscious leader and dad means developing an empathic reflex…
Sheryl says, “So a Conscious Man is aware of his own personal destiny and values and creates or manifests what is important in his own self-development, refining his emotions and behaviors to reflect his own thinking and not that of society, family, or ancestral karma…He is aware of his biological predispositions and energy, both male and female, and learns how to utilize and balance both for an authentic and positive life style..he is accepting of nature and emotions, but is not ruled by either…..”
Arjuna wrote in his description of a Conscious Man… “A Conscious Man is one who is aware of his natural character and can recognize the way he was born. He is aware of his true nature and has no reason to suppress it. He is also conscious of the different kinds of conditioning that have influenced him, and this awareness also gives him the possibility of conscious choice. His masculinity has become something like a work of art: a conscious gift to the world that allows him to be fully himself, to lean into his strengths, and to contribute fully to everyone he influences.”
As Arjuna describes, in the past half century, the women’s movement expanded women’s sense of purpose. Now women have options: raise children raise money or some combination of both…this encourages women to be conscious although I believe women have always been more multi aligned to their inner emotional, spiritual, and physical needs, as is evidenced in the way they are able to use both sides of their brains, multi tasking, in both creative and logical methods, at the same time, while men are more linear or goal oriented and working more in singular pursuit of their task.
Men today all over the world face challenges that no man has faced before in thousands of years. Only a few generations ago a man’s life was fairly simply defined. He would be educated, go through different rites of passage depending on his culture..then face his day facing difficult and sometimes dangerous challenges. Then he would come home to his woman who cared for the children and home. Both genders knew their well defined roles, but, eventually felt restricted by them…Only a hundred years ago women were considered the fairer or weaker sex…In the 1970’s women claimed their right to participate in all kinds of jobs that had been reserved for men…politician doctor minister business leader. Men grew their hair long learned to play guitar and to go with the flow. It seemed there was a mixing of energies or roles being changed so the old rules no longer worked.
In response to this redefining of gender roles men have fallen into a variety of different responses.
- One is for a man to dig in his heels and reassert his traditional male identity..Such a man usually has negative feelings towards the changing roles of women. He values ruggedness, endurance and being muscular and disdains the thought of being feminized or sensitized.
- The second reaction is for men to apologize or to feel ashamed of their masculinity and to become overly feminized. This is a man who talks a lot about his feelings, who emphasizes harmony and who is soft and gentle…He participates fully in the affairs of the house and is a caring father..but he may lose his sense of confidence and mission which is central to a man’s sense of well being.
- The third possible reaction is to try to ignore gender differences altogether. And to believe there is no real difference between men and women. But this is a very unwise approach as we are different biologically and hormonally which determine how men and women react to life’s challenges and this different causes diversity and something greater than the sum of its parts.
- The Fourth possibility is what this book is about an exercise of Conscious Choice. This is the definition of a Conscious Man- A Conscious Man is not a slave to biology. He is aware of the balance between masculine and feminine energy within himself but the way he lives with each is determined by awareness, rather than by automatic or learned responses to anything external. A Conscious Man has a sense of the vast variety of different roles he can enjoy in his life. He is aware of our history and how dramatically things have changed for him in the last few years. He responds to life not only as a duty to fulfill, but also an art to create.
Sheryl believes that is also true of A Conscious Woman who is aware of energy and the balancing and expression of all her interests, uniqueness and talents and a failure to be categorized by her role as merely wife & mother.
In The Living Spirit, Sheryl addressed the differences between men and women as a stepping stone to understanding men and women their unique energies affecting their awareness and communication needs in the following way… Sheryl wrote….”The Divine Source encompasses both the masculine and the feminine, hence the terms “Father God” and “Mother Earth.” Men and women are the human manifestations of these male and female energies. But while it is true that we are all aspects of Source, it is also true that men and women exhibit different energy, interests hormonal structures needs and obligations. In addition each of us has both male and female energies in varying degrees. It is in utilizing both energies that we become well-functioning individuals and can recognize the unique qualities, whether male or female, of others…To encourage a better flow of communication between men and women we must keep these physical emotional and spiritual differences in mind…….. as we learn to love and accept others as we are.
We can understand men and women by their physical anatomy and their hormonal biochemical cycles… Both men and women experience stress. The biochemical experience is the same involving the secretion of adrenalin and cortisol into the bloodstream at a faster rate than can be neutralized, but, the way men and women deal with stress and come back to balance and well being is different. Men have more testosterone which helps deal with stress and women secrete oxytocin sometimes known as the feel-good hormone.
Although our roles in society have changed drastically the way that our nervous work and the way that hormones are released in the body do not change so quickly.
When we refer to the word masculine or feminine we are usually referring to an energetic disposition which is focused goal oriented centered or present and thrust into the future. In China masculine energy is associated with the yang. Feminine energy on the other hand is recognized to be embracing, receiving soft nurturing loving and relational. In China the feminine energy is associated with yin…. While everyone is biologically born male or female, people today are recognizing that both men and women have access to masculine and feminine energy in varying degrees which influence uniqueness. It is through having or utilizing the correct balance of these energies that we find our healthy way of life...
Arjuna feels that there are a number of simple things that a man can recognize about himself that radically increases his sense of well being as well as his positive impact on those around him. Ultimately this book was written to offer something that will allow you the possibility of greater freedom of choice..
John Gray suggested that while on television in Norway the head of the democratic party of Sweden said…”There is absolutely no difference between men and women and that everything is a social construct and is holding us back from equality and freedom.” It brought back a memory to me when I was at Book Expo in NYC for the release of my book The Living Spirit and I mentioned that perhaps women and men were different species…I did not mean that either were less human, but that each group shared many biological hormonal and societal structures and feminine and masculine energies that made them approach their decisions and perceptions of life quite uniquely. While we wish men and women to be treated equally under the law God and man we must honor differences without negative feelings or restrictions.
Yes, in our soul energy we are equal but in our human manifestation, our personalities, life plan and destiny, along with our physical state and our emotions make us different, not necessarily in bad or good ways, to be judged, but simply to be understood and respected.
In order to have better interactions it helps to understand our biology and this is focused on heterosexual monogamous men as seen from both authors experiences, but it is best for any person to first figure out his mission and purpose in life so he can make choices that direct him or her in the right direction. When a conscious man knows his place in the world what he has to contribute this naturally overflows into being a more present and loving partner and father to his children. Unfortunately many men and women are limited by the expectations their families friends and society impose on them and spend much time devoted to pursuits that may not be what they truly wish to explore. This creates a divide and separation from their core needs and often can lead to dysfunction in many areas of health and relationships. Men in the past were guided to follow in their father’s footsteps, so if you were the son of a writer, you might be a writer. Today Arjuna suggests, a man has a greater opportunity to do what he wants,but it also presents a dilemma and often big question. What do I Want to Do? So yes..women are looking for Conscious Men who can be authentic, happy and true to their own needs, resonate with their own heart, and their Conscious Dharma, or the integration of masculine and feminine energies, and not just be part of the Boy Club because society expects that.
Conscious Men shares a view of both men and women of today who want to experience a multidimensional fulfilled life merging jobs careers and family life to create happy satisfying relationships that afford them new ways to experience balance and well being through appreciation of Self and our individual uniqueness.
Arjuna wrote… “Whenever a man takes space, it is a movement in the direction of returning to his true nature as limitless space. That has been the quest of yogis and mystics throughout history. A man may not be conscious of his drive for the infinite but when he comes home and seeks to forget the problems of the day, his woman might ask him, “What are you thinking?” He replies, “Nothing.” These periods of blankness or emptiness when he is not on his mission or relating to anyone are extremely important…..For women, they experience a return to their true nature as a movement in the direction of pure love. When a woman is able to share and express feelings without restriction, she feels more connected to a vaster, mystical and unconditional love. Ultimately the pursuit of infinite spaciousness is also a return to love….But the pathway up the mountain is quite different for a man’s and woman’s nervous system.”
The authors of Conscious Men and Sheryl would have you know that no matter the differences in our biological emotional and hormonal systems, men and women wish to explore within their own subconscious memories and the world environment, the need to grow and relate to each other and “All” in the greatest sense of love, compassion, mission, purpose, and openness. It is in the best interest of Life and its longing for wisdom to allow accept and surrender to what is natural and positive in our spiritual and physical worlds and to be truly mindful conscious and awakened citizens if we are to reach our divine human potential.
